i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
