I just saw a hot homeless man
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
