Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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