I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
