I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
