I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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