Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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