sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This is the high leading the old right now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
