8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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