my phone needs a breathalizer
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
