I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
