I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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