i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
