Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
