Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
