just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
