I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
