conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
