what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
