i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
