If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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