Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
