I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
