Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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