I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
