hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize