that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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