a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Randomize
