I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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