Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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