We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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