I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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