Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
