His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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