i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
