Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
