What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
