it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize