Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
