morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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