So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
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