here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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