1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My pussy is not your playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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