i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
