she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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