I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
