I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
