he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
