my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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