Whod you bang
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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