she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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