didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
