yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
