I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
