I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
