I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
