i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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