you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
