M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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