i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
