yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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