There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
