im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
