Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
