So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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