i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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