It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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