wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
