did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
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i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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