i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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