using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
